Monday, September 19, 2005

It's My Sidewalk, Too, Dammit!

I really hate you fuckers who think you're the only people on the planet. I take a walk down any city street, or in a mall, or anywhere more than ten people gather for whatever reason, and I see it. It's a sidewalk or walkway, four to thirty feet wide, and you're there: you fuckers who don't notice any other humans besides yourselves. You walk in groups of two or three or four or more, all in a line abreast (that's shoulder-to-shoulder for those of you about whom I write). No matter how wide the thoroughfare, you expand to occupy the entire width. And then there's me. Alone. Carrying stuff. Lots of stuff. A cake in a box. A jug of milk. Clothes for/from The Salvation Army. Grandpa's favorite bowling ball. I face you and you face me as we walk toward each other. To one side of your horde I have the curb and certain death by traffic. To the other I have the unyielding brick façade of the Fourth/Fifth National American Bank. We draw exponentially nearer. Collision is imminent. And does any of you move?

HELL NO. Why? Because I'm not there! At least you don't see me. Therefore I'm not there. And because I'm the polite one, the one with a minute smidgen of manners, I slow. I stop. I step aside while not a one of you reciprocates to allow me to pass.

And sometimes its worse if I'm behind your group. Why? Because the more of you there are in the group, the slower you must walk.

So from now on, I will no longer give 100% of the sidewalk to you. I will no longer be the one expected to get out of the way. If you're stupid enough not to acknowledge my approach and give at least half your body width to match the half of mine I give, then you're stupid enough to get run over, with a little extra shoulder thrown in for good measure, a little reminder in case you forget how stupid you are.



*SIGH*

dassall

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