My father was diagnosed yesterday with lung cancer. Early prognosis is Stage 2 to Stage 4. I don't know exactly what that means. It has not spread to any other organs.
He’s 83 years old. This early in the discovery a treatment has not yet been prescribed It appears that nothing aggressive will be attempted, but rather he will undergo a milder radiation therapy.
He was a smoker, but he quit in the mid-1970s. He was surrounded by smokers just about every day of his life until he sold his barber shop and retired in 2004. So who knows? What if it’s polyester fumes?
So, we – the whole family and I – are in limbo. We don’t know. We don’t know what’s next. We don’t know what’s in store.
I don’t know what to do…what to say.
All I know is that he doesn’t deserve this. He is the most generous, truly genuine man I know. Life has already dealt him a lousy hand with a body that is breaking down years before the mind inside. Why does he have to now face inconvenience and discomfort in treatment, and untold pain and agony if and when he goes beyond treatment?
What hurts me more at this point is that, when my sister – with whom he lives at the moment – broke the news to him, he cried. He’s not supposed to cry. Retirement was supposed to be a time of relaxation, of ease, of a lack of want. A time to reflect upon his long life and feel pride in the part he played in bringing up seven fairly successful, fairly level-headed children.
But instead he has dealt with retarding mobility, embarrassing incontinence, nerve damage in his outer extremities… and now this. A prisoner in his own body; and now his prison is threatening to crumble on top of him.
He doesn’t deserve this. He’s supposed to live out his last years in dignity and comfort and peace.
Hasn’t he earned that?
6 comments:
I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Yes, a man of his caliber has earned the right to live out his years in dignity and peace. The only problem with that is that Nature doesn't keep score. There are no brownie points, no karmic paybacks, no tit for tat.
All we can do is acknowledge that amazing mind, and his astonishing work ethic and hope he decides to put that much effort into fighting the battle to claim all the days he can. Then it's up to those of us around him to make the most of those days as well.
There's a new vigor to life when one knows it's not to be taken for granted any more. Even with his limited health at this point, don't let any more time slip away before you do something...just one thing...that you want to do.
I don't mean to preach - a friend and I are going through something similar right now, and those are the words we remind each other as well. I only hope they help you. You're in my prayers
My thoughts are with you.
You are the second person today I have heard a similar story from. I am sorry about your dad. Life doesn't seem fair for many people. It is too bad he was around all that second-hand smoke after he quit. I hope that both you and he will come to a point of accceptance and then begin the fight against it. Fighting it is half the battle.
Thank you all for your words of support. It was a rough day or two around learning the news, but my spirits are back.
I visited him in the hospital Saturday, where they've kept him for tests. Aside from being confined to his bed and wanting to go home, he's in great spirits, too.
So far, the lymph nodes they've tested have been clean. A few more, taken Friday, will be tested Monday, with results late Monday. If they're clean, then the affected upper left lobe can be taken...once he is strong enough to withstand the surgery. It appears to be a non-aggressive form of cancer, so it has not moved very quickly, and he has likely had it for about three years!
If the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes, however, he has already opted to forego chemo and will accept instead the appropriate radiation therapy.
And so begins a long row to hoe, moreso for him than any of us.
Thank you again for taking time out of your day to put him in your thoughts, even though you don't know the guy.
Just getting caught up. Man, that sucks. My aunt is going through the same thing. But she never smoked, drank, or abused her body in any way. Cancer is definitely not picky.
Hope things turn out for the best.
Trina--
Thank you for the kind words of encouragement.
And I wish for your aunt a speedy recovery and a comfortable life afterward.
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