Saturday Adventure

It started off as a typical Saturday… a few commitments in the morning, and then I met up with Mrs. Farrago at the local Fivebucks for coffee. Oops… make that Starbucks….

And then we commenced with our plan… earlier in the day she had suggested that we go down to the lakefront to snap pictures of the thawing ice, and the late-winter lakeshore in general. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day, so there was no reason not to agree.

We rode a city bus down to the Nature Museum, which was the closest point to where we wanted to go. I don’t think there’s a spot along the lakeshore where you can’t get an awesome shot of the skyline.



We walked our way down past Fullerton Avenue, among the beautiful people working on their beauty,



happily snapping photos of things and of each other.







And then tragedy struck.

While I was snapping a series of photos like this one

atop one of the many breakwaters, Mother Nature’s evil nature blustered toward me. While I lay prone to snap the photos, one of her dastardly fingers lifted my beloved hat into her air, over my back and legs and into the water many feet below.




Fighting panic, my mind raced for a solution. I remembered one of the photos I had taken earlier

and realized that the subject within was my potential savior! I sprinted …well, sorta walked fast… back to the beach. It could be considered vandalism in the eyes of the casual observer, but a life… nay, a lifestyle… was at stake, and drastic times require drastic measures and whatnot, so I acted!



At first it seemed to be beyond my reach, but the slat was longer than I realized – or the water was closer than I realized, and rescue seemed achievable!



Alas! The water proved too adhesive for me to hook the brim with the slat, so, improvising yet again, I pulled the hat to the wall of the breakwater and slid it up to my other, eagerly waiting, hand. Triumph! My hat, my image, my iconic lifestyle, SAVED!


Later we were accosted by Canada geese.



Normally when they approach like these two did, it’s because they perceive a threat, either the male perceives a challenge to the rights to his mate, or both perceive a threat to their nest. We backed off to maintain a respectful distance, but they just kept advancing!



And then, within mere feet of us they simply stopped. And honked.



These Canada geese, it appeared, are permanent residents of our fair city. It would seem that other humans have given them food in the past, and these geese were begging. And they probably have no intentions of ever returning to Canada.



That was our day of adventure in Chicago. I hope you enjoyed it as much as we did.

(some scenes are dramatized recreations to enhance the story and make it seem more dramatic than it really was)
(click the post title to see all of my photos of Chicago and of the geese and Mrs. Farrago!)

O Little Town(s) of Littleton....

On the road again. Two nights. Flew Sunday night to Philadelphia and rented a way cool Volvo Cross Country wagon, drove 30-some miles to Plymouth Meeting, Pennsylvania.

My colleague, The Producer, made a minor error in the meet time with the client. We arrived at 9:30am at an office complex which the Hertz Neverlost™ GPS system in the rental car couldn’t quite narrow down to exactly which building we were supposed to enter. My colleague whipped out his handy-dandy book with all the dates, times and locations, and discovered that we weren’t scheduled to meet with the client until 12:30pm.

So, with three hours to kill, and too late to go back to bed at the hotel we had just checked out of, we looked up local attractions in the Hertz Neverlost™ GPS system and discovered that we were only 10 miles away from Valley Forge National Monument and Park! Never fearful of soaking up some American History, we ventured out to see where the ragtag rebels of the colonies were whipped into shape through one cold, hungry winter, into a disciplined army that kicked some British arse!

In the evening we returned to the Philadelphia airport with plenty of time to spare, so of course our flight was delayed. There was no clear explanation…the gate agent kept announcing over the intercom that our plane from Chicago had landed, and would arrive at the gate any minute. “Any minute” expanded to 25 minutes, and still there was no plane. Finally, a half-hour after our scheduled departure time, we were told our plane had arrived at the gate. Instead of a flood of people gushing out from the jetway, the gate agents started loading us on…to an empty plane. I still can’t figure out what happened.

We flew, about 90 minutes late (thank you, US STUPID Airways), to Manchester, New Hampshire, the first time I’ve ever set foot this far northeast. We arrived just before 11:00pm, and looked ahead to a 110-mile drive to a place that was equidistant between two major airports. Manchester was the lesser of two evils. How less evil I don’t know. Our rental this time was a Ford (Ugh!) Escape. I hauled ass up I-93 north, pushing about 80 most of the way until we entered the White Mountains. I imagine in summer they’re green mountains, but I’m sure they’re still called White Mountains, no matter how un-white they might be. I don’t know if it was a weather system that had moved through at the same time, or if it was just mountain weather, but it sucked. Snow and strong wind. The roads weren’t slippery, though the snow was collecting there and they looked treacherous.

Ever since I’ve been with this job, there seems to be some peculiarity each year that stands out. One year it seemed like a dozen trips to Orlando, Florida. I HATE Orlando, Florida. You should have seen the size of this one Mouse I saw there! Another year it was the three trips to Hawaii in three months! I know what you’re thinking, but I was working and got no beach time. And that’s practically a whole week on a plane when you add it all up!

This year it seems – on a minor scale, at least – to be shoots in towns called Littleton. In January I arrived at night in the mountain town of Littleton, Colorado. Tonight I arrived in the mountain town of Littleton, New Hampshire. Odder still is the layout of the hotel where we’re staying. The building is a three-story hotel, up on a hillside, facing the town. It’s bitterly cold, as it was in Littleton, Colorado, in January, and it’s snowing. Or I’m having the strangest, longest dream about two months of my life, and I’m still in Littleton, Colorado. Somebody wake me up and tell me the Bears haven’t actually made it to the Super Bowl, yet, because, in my dream they do, and it isn’t pretty!

I wonder if there’s any rivalry between the mountain-Littletons. You know, some “my-mountains-are-bigger-than-your-mountains,” “oh-yeah-well-we-never-had-a-massacre-at-our-high-school” kind of thing going back and forth.

Probably not.

My coffee-for-the-road caffeine buzz is wearing off, now. Funny that it kept me awake long enough to write something that certainly must have put you to sleep!

Visit New Hampsha! Its Littleton is littler than the bigger Littleton in Colorado!

Blag-Togged

Wow! I’ve been tagged!

While reading Irb’s blog, I was shocked, appalled and thrilled when he told of his being tagged and, in turn, tagged me!

So now I’m supposed to tell five little known things about me, and then I have to tag five people. I think I can muster up five things no one in the blogopolis knows about me, but I don’t know if I can scrape together five bloggers who read me and whom Irb hasn’t already tagged.

Here goes, Five Little-Known Facts About Me:

1. I once “peeped” on a neighbor boinking her boyfriend. It was entirely by accident (the peeping, not the boinking…though I guess I wouldn’t know about that) as I was walking my dog off-leash in the field beside the apartment complex where I lived at the time. It was raining pretty hard that evening, so I hugged close to the building. I walked past her first floor bedroom window, the light was on, and something in my peripheral vision caught my eye that resembled a guy’s hairy ass in the air. So I looked. And then I watched. Hey, they were the ones boinking with the blinds wide open!

2. I am blind in my left eye. It has nothing to do with Five Little-Known Facts About Me #1 above. At least I don’t THINK it does. I HOPE it doesn’t! CRVO, ensuing retinal hemorrhage, surgery, 95% (my estimate) blind in the eye.

3. I never drank until I was over age 20, and I’ve never done any recreational drugs.

4. I didn’t have sex until I was 21, which has given me second thoughts about my life choices detailed in Five Little-Known Facts About Me #3!

5. I have performed onstage wearing only a towel, socks and shoes.

And there they are, five things you didn’t know, didn’t care to know, and can’t possibly forget about me, no matter how hard you try.

Claire, Chloe, Trina, Toast and Random Squeegee, it’s now your turn.

Pride Run Amok... or, "Would You Like Fries With That Smirk?"

It was one of those moments where I didn’t know whether or not I was supposed to be angry.

I was at a McDonald’s restaurant yesterday morning. Okay, say what you will, but I had to be to the job extra early, and I had no time to eat breakfast while standing still.

In the Chicago area there is a large number of Hispanic immigrants. I’m sure a significant portion of them are here illegally – probably not the majority, but a significant number just the same.

So I got to the counter at this McDonald’s just as an older white guy – say mid-50s to early 60s -- finished ordering his breakfast. The young woman behind the counter – Hispanic, most likely Mexican, who seemed to speak and understand English well enough – misunderstood something the man said, or he misunderstood something she said, and she had to recount his change. Then he said, quite loudly, “Do you have a green card?”

The woman again raised her eyebrows, at first not hearing or not understanding, perhaps as if she didn’t quite believe what she heard, and then she nodded vigorously and said, “Card? Yes, I do,” while she absently patted her chest near her name tag.

He responded with an “Uh huh” that resonated with doubt, almost contempt.

She went to retrieve his food, and the man said, “Do you like working in my country?”

She didn’t respond, either unhearing, or ignoring.

She brought him his food and his drink, and said, “Have a nice day.”

The man said to her, “Oh, I’m certain I will!” as though he was certain he had ruined hers. The woman didn’t appear to have been offended or rattled. He walked away moments before my food was handed to me.

On the rest of the drive to work the scenario kept eating at me. Did that guy – or does ANY of us – have the right to ask someone who’s apparently or even obviously not from this country originally for their green card? Other than if that guy – or any of us – is an employer interviewing a prospective hire, I mean. She didn’t show him her green card, nor did he actually demand to see it. It was more as though he was just fucking with her, but he did it with the attitude of subtle intimidation.

On the subject of illegal aliens in our country, I feel I stand pretty firmly: the important operating word in the term is “illegal.” If they’re undocumented and are here illegally, then they should be deported. The argument that “this country was built by immigrants” holds no water in this particular argument; my great-grandfather came here, spent ten years of his life here working to get his family here and working toward citizenship. Documented. Resident Alien. Naturalized Citizen. He earned the right, as did the rest of his family, as did hundreds of thousands like him after they arrived here, to stay here and raise their families with all the freedoms and benefits a United States Citizenship affords.

The argument gets deeper, of course, but it’s not my topic.

In the car I kept addressing the ass-wipe.

Her answer to your green card question was “Yes.” So she’s here legally. She has the right to work in “your country.” She’s most likely working toward citizenship, which should make your bigoted ass proud that you live in a country for which so many are willing to leave their homes and much of their family and try to make a new life. Where did your family come from? What twisted arrogance makes you think we should have shut the gates after your exalted heritage slowed to a trickle? You smug prick.

But then I got to thinking…what if I had misheard him, and he had actually asked her, “Do you have a green car?” And what if he had actually said, “Do you like your McNuggets crunchy?”

It was early, after all. I was still pretty tired.

So I’m not sure if I should be angry with the guy.

To Chloe, If You're Reading

Chloe,

I'm still reading "Moo Deux," however, it seems there is no longer an invitation to comment on your blog. I wanted to let you know I still click on you just about every day to see if you've posted.

Thanks,

Farrago

Does It Understand You If You Scream?

I almost wet myself watching this.

Don't throw away your keyboard yet!

A Kick in the Can, The End

Washington Junior High School was the flagship of its school district. The only junior high in the district, it took in all of the students graduated from the elementary schools and prepared them for high school. What this meant for a lot of students – myself included – was first experiences with lots of kids of different ethnicities and races and skin colors. Most notable for me were the black kids.

A certain relative, who will remain nameless, had warned me in the final days of the summer before 7th grade to “watch out” the black kids at Washington Junior High…only this relative wasn’t so kind as to use the term “black.”

Innocent that I was, I took my relative’s advice and I “watched out” for all the black kids. And while I watched out for the black kids I had my back to all the white kids and Mexican kids and whatever other non-black kids there were back there, and they were kicking my ass! That was when I learned a life lesson: kids are kids. People are people. Take the time to learn which ones to trust, and which ones to avoid, and you find the two groups are not separated by color.

Unfortunately, not everyone learns that lesson.

As happened in a lot of schools, certainly during the time I was at Washington, the black kids and the white kids just didn’t hang out together. The black kids always occupied the northeastern half of the playground while the white kids and the Mexican kids stayed closer to the main building and the Kick the Can court. (In the photo above, there can be seen a fair amount of landscaping in the northeastern corner. Back then there was no landscaping, just a chain-link fence and gate enclosing the playground at the edge of the sidewalk.)

One day, in the middle of a game, one of the black kids showed up at the side of the court and asked one of us why we never let the black kids play. It was almost a chorus of voices as we told him that everyone was welcome to play. For some reason, the more kids playing, the more fun it was! We invited him to join us.

As there were few rules to teach him, and the game was learn-as-you-go, he was on a team and playing inside of two seconds. It was hindsight then just as it is sad hindsight now that we should have told him it was a brutal game, and that capturing the can the first time would be quite an eye-opening experience. But we failed to tell him that. We just figured he’d get it. Someone eventually passed him the can and he captured it, and was immediately pounced upon by five or six kids gripping his shoulders and kicking at his feet and shins.

A minor, angry scuffle ensued as the can was wrangled away from him, and he singled out one of his opponents and tried to strike back. But his opponent, seeing the can kicked away, chased after the can and left the fight behind.

The new player then just disappeared, and my friends and I laughed him off as a sissy.

The very next day the same kid showed up with a couple of his friends and asked if they could all play. Looking back at it now, it was the kind of formula action movie foreboding we all recognize when we see it. But we were just kids on a playground, not in a movie. And we just wanted everybody to play and have fun. So we said “Sure!”

Play resumed for a few minutes until one of the new players captured the can. I remember the absurd moment when he bent down and, in flagrant disregard for the rules, picked the can up in his fingers and ran. A bunch of us started screaming, “Foul!” or “No fair,” oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t running toward his opponent’s goal, but rather OFF the court and bearing northeast! Quicker-witted kids – like Lu, for instance – caught on to what was happening, and someone shouted, “Get the can!!” We took off after the kid, who ran between the friends he had brought along, who then turned and acted as though blockers on a football field. They stuffed the first couple of guys nearest the culprit, but Lu got past them as the can thief tried to disappear into the crowd of black kids.

Tenacious Lu chased him around until he snagged the kids shirt and started to reel him in. The rest of us caught up, and a few ran to help Lu, who was by that time grappling with the kid.

There had been, a few years earlier, what were termed “race riots” at the high school, where my older siblings had attended, which had started as a singular fight between a white teenager and a black teenager, and then escalated. On the playground I saw my friends converging on the mad scuffle to help Lu. And then I saw a couple of the black kids doing the same to help their friend. In essence, I saw our own race riot in the making, whether or not it was truly racially motivated.

I have the distinct image in my head of a pile of kids grappling, swinging fists and shouting, and Lu at the edge of the pile, head down and driving into it, his hands still gripping the kid who took our can. But I saw it turning ugly and, rather than jump in and exacerbate the situation, I thought it was time to get an adult’s attention before anybody got hurt. I wore a zip-front hooded sweatshirt that chilly fall day, and I had my hands in the shirt pockets, covering my belly. I turned to get the attention of one of the deans who, since it was so chilly outside, had chosen to monitor the children’s behavior from inside the doorway to the cafeteria.

I had made no more than one step toward the school building when another black kid, who had been standing behind me, quickly wound up and punched me in the stomach! My hands were already there and, in reflex, I had tensed my arms and hands inside my pockets, so all he hit were my fists. It was then that I realized this whole fracas had been highly organized by the culprits who took the can. They had the forward operating team, which had seized the treasure, then acted as first line defenders, and then baited the rest of us to pursue. They had a rear team to join the fight when we arrived, as they quickly piled on to Lu and the kid in possession of the can. And they had containment sentries to seal off anyone’s escape to the south to get help!

I was actually impressed! To this day I am still impressed with the seeming precision with which they pulled off the event! They were just 12 and 13 year-old kids! I don’t know what their motive was, if it was just simply to fuck with us and take our can, or if it was more sinister, and truly a ploy to lure us into a huge fight.

So I stood there, glaring at the kid who punched me, who must have at that moment regretted that he hadn’t hit me in the face instead, seeing as how his gut punch hadn’t hurt me. I didn’t strike back, so he didn’t continue.

The next thing I knew I heard someone shout “GET HIM!” and Lu went streaking past me – can in hand – and headed back to the Kick the Can court! Only one or two kids chased after him, and then there were the rest of the Kick the Can players in the mix. The race riot that was to be... wasn’t, so life was returning relatively back to normal. We just wanted our can back. The kid who had punched me drifted back down to the northeastern corner, and I trotted back toward the court, smug for having "blocked" that guy's punch. I was about 20 feet away from the game which had already resumed in earnest when a voice somewhere cried, “[FARRAGO]! LOOK OUT!” I turned just in time to see two sneakered feet filling my vision and connecting with my chest! I hit the asphalt hard, shoulders and chest first, the rest of me flopping down gracelessly. I didn’t swear as a general rule back then, but I do recall that when I hit the ground, I shouted, “FUCK!” Then I got up and learned what I was made of: anger spiked in me so fiercely that I faced the kid, one of the crowd from the northeastern corner of the playground, and suddenly… a lump formed in my throat… I was... in tears?! What the…?! And then I turned my back on the kid, determined to tell a dean. At first I walked, but then I felt a jolt in my legs, and they were suddenly very limber! In what I now know is the “fight or flight” reflex, the adrenaline pumped into my legs and I was inexplicably compelled to sprint, with much agility and more speed than I ever had before, to the door behind which stood the dean of 7th grade boys.

Flight.

I blubbered incoherently for a few moments until one kid, a black girl, shouted “David W. did it!” She used his full name. It was the first time I had ever heard it. When the dean waded out into the playground and called out David W., I recognized the kid as the one who had knocked me down. The dean dragged us both back to the cafeteria door and started yelling at both of us to the point that even David was crying. He forced David to apologize to me, which, even then, seemed macabre. We were forced to shake hands, and then we were sent back out to the playground.

I can remember moments of that day so clearly, and remember so clearly the helpless feeling after being slammed to the asphalt of the playground. As a boy, as a man, I wish I could have had the balls to immediately give back what I had gotten, but as a clear-headed adult, I am glad I didn’t react in that way. What I wound up doing, though embarrassing in the eyes of male culture in our society, was exactly what I should have done, and may have prevented me from turning a corner I’m better off not to have turned.

Perhaps the events of that day signaled the start of the end of Kick the Can at Washington Junior High School. Perhaps it was the advent of the soft-drink industry’s “progress” to an all-aluminum can the next year, which doesn’t flatten as well, nor does it fly as well or as far, and without the kind of control the original cans did. Whatever the reason, well before the end of my 8th grade year, Kick the Can was “outlawed” by the powers that were. My father may have invented it (or not), but I and my friends ended it.

Long Live Kick the Can!

New Link

As a regular reader of my blog, you may notice a new link to the left among my "Better Blogs Than Mine" list. "Sons of July" is an excellent writer, a poet among us who writes from a point of view most of us can't. He is (yet another) writer who makes even the best of my efforts appear a shameful bile of blather and random punctuation. Please pay him a visit.

As a new visitor to my blog, what the heck are you doing reading this shit?! Jump directly to the list of "Better Blogs Than Mine" and read some good stuff!

A Kick in the Can

At Washington Junior High we played a playground game in which a group of us daily split up into two teams, flattened an empty pop can (soda can to those of you on the eastern seaboard and abroad, “Coke” can to those of you west of the Mississippi…even though it was usually a Pepsi can) and kicked it back and forth trying to get the can to hit the opposing team’s wall. The game was called, quite imaginatively, “Kick the Can.” It was a game I thought we kids had invented, but when I began to describe the game to my father, who had also attended Washington, he said he knew all about it, and that HE invented it. Yeah, right, Dad.

Someone would procure a can, usually from home, as the school then didn’t allow children access to vending machines, and would step on the middle of the can and then fold the ends over and flatten it further. It was necessary to do it right, as a properly flattened can, when kicked just right, would spin like a frisbee and become airborne and, potentially, score on a team’s wall above anybody’s reach to block it. My game was back in the waning days of the heavier cans made entirely of tin; they flew better and lasted longer. It was truly an art form, as some kids were much better at shaping and smoothing a can than others.

Of course, looking back on it, Kick the Can was a pretty dangerous game, not to mention brutal. Girls didn’t play. They were welcome to play – everyone was welcome to play – but after one or two minutes they realized that we boys were just stupid.

The game was very simple: the court lay east-west (see photo). Either team had to kick the flattened can to the other team’s wall for one point. It was forbidden for a player to pick up the can in his or her hands during play, except after scoring a point, when someone from either team could carry the can to the middle of the “court” to have the face-off and begin play to the next score.

To block the can with any part of the body was allowed, but to catch the can was forbidden.

Common techniques during play were:

-The Capture – a player would step on the can to control it and keep it away from opposing players. This technique was effective for finding teammates to pass the can to them. The drawback to the capture was the opponents surrounding the player, placing their hands on his shoulders and kicking at his foot, ankles and shins in an effort to dislodge the can from beneath his foot…or his foot from his leg.

-The Slide – a player, having captured the can, slides the can beneath his foot to perform a rearward pass. This technique was effective for faking out opponents and sending the can quickly across the court without having to lift the foot off of the can to kick it – which could afford opponents the opportunity to kick it away – and, if lucky, nailing the nearest opponent behind him in the berries.

-The Sail Kick – a player would kick the can, contacting the edge of the can nearest his body with his foot, which would lift the front edge of the can as it gained momentum, causing it to become airborne. An agile, experienced player could apply some English to the can and cause it to spin rapidly as it sailed, which greatly enhanced accuracy, as well as improving the odds for serious bodily injury to anyone attempting to block the shot.

-The Ground Kick – a player kicked the can, contacting the middle of the can with his foot, keeping the surface of the can flat to the ground, causing it to skitter across the court. This kick was the easiest to block and intercept.

There was only one recess period at Washington, and that was after lunch. The lunch period was 45 minutes, and the die-hards among us saw lunch as an obstacle between us and Kick the Can. The number one fastest eater of lunch, and I mean the whole lunch, was always my best friend, Lu, at an average time of five minutes. The second fastest was usually me, usually around five and a half minutes. I still remember chugging my chocolate milk from the little half-pint cardboard carton every day while speed-walking from the table to the garbage can to the dirty tray stack, and then dumping my emptied carton into the last garbage can before the door to the playground. How I never threw up on the Kick the Can court, I’ll never know.

As one might imagine, you had to be a pretty tough, hardy kid to play this game well. I could withstand only a moderate beating about the ankles before I coughed up the can, and I always managed to pass to the wrong players.

Lu was one of the best Kick the Can players. He was always a short, chubby kid with a bilateral lisp. To this day, he’s short and chubby, and he still talks funny. I wouldn’t have guessed it, but being a short, chubby Mexican kid with a sideways lisp must make one tough, because Lu was always a tenacious guard dog type of kid. If he was your friend and someone was threatening you, Lu had your back. Actually, he had your front, because he didn’t let anybody mess with his friends.

On the Kick the Can court he was The Intimidator. One of the top scorers, he was the most accurate passer and he was unflappable when he captured the can. I think Bigfoot himself, wearing steel-toed boots, could have been kicking at Lu’s feet and never gotten him to cough it up.

For such a rough and tumble game, one might think our matches often dissolved into fights, but that just wasn't the case. We all knew what the game entailed, and what to expect when playing. If someone didn’t like how the game was played, then he didn’t play.

And it was always that way with Kick the Can, but for one very notable exception….

(…To Be Continued)

Linda E.

I dreamed about you this morning. Again. After so long, now, it seems my mind just can’t let you go.

It was a different setting, but the usual scenario. If memory doesn’t fail me, as it can with such dreams, this time you were working in the office to where I had traveled in the process of doing my job. That’s how it always is: the chance meeting some place where I’d never imagine finding you.

You were cordial, nice. You acknowledged that you knew who I was after so many years, seemed as surprised to see me as I was to see you.

It was the moment I’ve been waiting 25 years for, yet I couldn’t blurt out in front of your co-workers, nor in front of mine, the words that I want to say to you. We know our history; they don’t need to know about it.

And yet you seemed keen to avoid getting into a situation where you would be alone with me. Was it in my eyes? Did I telegraph to you that I had something to say?

You left the room and were gone so long I feared I wouldn’t get the chance to say it to you. Why do I wish to say it? Is it a hope for getting you back? Of course not. We’ve each lived a lifetime since we last saw each other, and our lives have followed their courses. It didn’t work 25 years ago; why would I ever think it could work now?

Is it to save face? No. What I did then was so stupid, even I am disgusted with myself. Maybe I’d let you have your say about it. Do you still care?

What is it then? Why do you still haunt my thoughts and dreams?

I think I know. In this morning’s dream I said it aloud to someone in the room, told her why I wanted to see you, why you animate my waking thoughts so often, why I fantasize about the moment.

It’s because I want to tell you that I’m sorry for my actions on that day 25 years ago. I know; no one was hurt or damaged, but I sure didn’t shine in my best light then. That’s not who I am, or was, or aspire to be. It couldn’t possibly be.

I want to tell you that I hope your life has turned out as you hoped it would and, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, with whomever you’re doing it, I hope you have found the happiness I couldn’t bring you.

Maybe then, if I knew that you knew, maybe then I could go through a day without thinking about you at least once, wondering if you ever think about me, if you ever wonder what I’m doing at this very moment, just as I wonder about you. Maybe, if I could close that door that’s swung open for 25 years, maybe you wouldn’t visit my sleep any more.

And then you appeared in the hallway. In the psychedelia that is a dream, now you wore what resembled a wedding gown. You were alone. It was my chance. I approached you from behind. I spoke your name. Your cell-phone rang. You held up a finger and took the call.

And then my wife’s alarm clock sounded, and you faded into the murk.

The dream was over, but you’ve haunted my thoughts all day. Again.

Rhymes With Time

"Eenie meenie minie moe
Catch a tiger by the toe
If he hollers let him go
Eenie meenie minie moe..."

That is about the extent of my memory of playground rhymes employed to choose team members or first player or whatever, “randomly.”

Even as a grade-schooler I could never remember any of the other ones, and there were some I thought were really neat. Some of the other boys remembered some of them and we used them to pick who would be “it” first, but the more mathematically adept kids knew how to manipulate the rhyme and willfully affect the outcome to pick one of the slower runners (me) who would then be “it” for the entire recess period. And there were some girls I went to school with who could remember and recite vast libraries of them. And, for whatever others I could remember then, “Eenie meenie minie moe” is the only one left with me.

Well, there’s just part of another:

“One banana, two banana, three banana, four
Four bananas make a bunch and so do many more.”

Oops! Wrong playground! I meant:

“One potato, two potato, three potato, four…”
…and that’s it.

On this past Christmas morning Mrs. Farrago and I went out for breakfast at a local 24/7 place. Being The Holiday, we were delighted to be seated immediately in a calm, quiet, peaceful restaurant. As we ate (no, I did not conduct any research that morning), a family was seated in the booth across from ours. Well, it was portions of a family. It was a somewhat older couple with a small child – their granddaughter, I’m guessing. She was a cute, chatty little thing and her adult companions seemed to delight in her every word. Then the child spoke in a rhyme that brought back a flood of …not memories, necessarily, but the sense of being a vibrant child on the playground at school, with one foot jammed into a circle of feet, while one kid rhythmically tapped each toe consecutively to the beat of the rhyme, a rhyme I hadn’t heard since at least the sixth grade:

“Bubble gum, bubble gum in a dish
How many pieces do you wish?”

“Seven.”

“One, two, three…..”

I seem to recall there was more to it than just that, but it has all escaped me again. How enthralling that something so simple could spark so sharp a feeling in my gut!

I tried to remember to Mrs. Farrago any of the others I used to hear, but “Eenie meenie” was all that came to me.

I know I have a few of you who pop in from time to time. I couldn’t have reached 1500 hits just by posting and editing (…or could I?). Dig deep into your memories and share with me the rhymes you used to employ to build playground teams or who had to sit with the ugly kid (me again!)

I’ll follow up by letting you know which ones bring me back, and which ones I never heard – or don’t remember.

Back To The Grind

Well, the party is over. Barely a week into the new year and I’m back on the road.

It was a nice break over the holidays; a much unexpected one, at that. One year ago today, I was just a few days back in the States after the company I work for took its employees to Paris for a week. This year October went by, November went by, and there was no announcement of a week-between-the-holidays trip. And that’s okay: a gift should never be expected.

Instead, this holiday season we were treated to the usual holiday dinner for the employees and their spouses at a French-themed restaurant. On the evening of December 21, we played a silly little grab-bag game where the owner of the company read “’Twas the Night Before Christmas,” with a few phrases added, that had us passing gifts around the room left and right around a circle. It was wacky and fun, and Mrs. Farrago and I came away with a bottle of Glögg and a bottle of a very nice, tasty Spanish red wine.

Shortly after dessert, the party was over. Some were heading to a bar across the street, but Mrs. Farrago and I had a 25 mile trip in the rain ahead of us, so we opted just to go home. The owner of the company was handing out gift bags to everyone, and with holiday wishes and hugs and handshakes, we took our bag and headed home for the welcome, eleven-day break until January 2.

We arrived home and, almost as an afterthought, we opened the gift bag to see what was inside. By the weight of it I expected a bottle or two of wine, as is a frequent gift from The Big Boss. Instead there was a bottle of Young’s Old English Ale. We unwrapped the next, and it was a bottle of Bottle-Aged Vintage Ale. Another wrapped bottle was another English Ale. I like beer, but this seemed a little ridiculous. There were a couple of other wrapped items in the bag, but we got to the holiday card and opened it. It was a fairly bland greeting that read “Happy Holidays from everyone at” the company. But there was a printed piece of paper inside the card, and it was a doozy of a surprise, a gift that was NOT expected.

“You are invited to join us and your co-workers in London…!” (If you missed it, like I did, the ales were A Clue.) He did it again! He managed to catch us all off guard! This time we’re traveling sometime around the end of July or early August. Dates are pending on a possible client commitment that has yet to be confirmed.

LONDON! WOW!

So, that was our big, generous, fantastic gift from The Big Boss. Christmas in July, indeed! In the meantime it’s business as usual, with that big, juicy carrot dangling from the end of a seven month long stick! And business as usual means tonight I’m writing in a hotel room, this time in a far distant suburb of Detroit. Tuesday I’m in Joplin, Missouri. Wednesday, Miami. Thursday, Los Angeles. Friday, Denver.

And the wheel keeps turning…

Occupant

I've witnessed the passing of 2006 and, unlike so many other bloggers and TV networks and countless online entities, I have nothing much to say about it, really. Lots of other bloggers are fantastic chroniclers of their lives and can look back on the year that was and see the progress they’ve made, or the ground they’ve lost. TV networks concern themselves with the big news stories that shook their respective corners of the world. The web world concerns itself with whatever niches their people care about and what the year meant to them.

Not me. Nothing happened that seems to matter to my progress from womb to tomb. I started 2006 married to the wonderful Mrs. Farrago, and I ended it with the wonderful Mrs. Farrago…and yes, it’s the same woman.

Oh, lots of stuff happened, but where am I now that I wasn’t one year ago? I traveled to Europe twice (thrice if you count the Paris trip that ended January 2, 2006); Canada twice; Costa Rica once; The Bahamas once; and dozens of other places I’ve likely been to a dozen times before.

We got a new bird – a lineolated parakeet – that’s the cutest little bird you ever saw…if you like little birds.

Mrs. Farrago and I finally took a proper vacation to San Francisco and the wine country of Napa Valley.

Mrs. Farrago’s father moved out of our house. And I did finally manage to sell his car, just a few days before Christmas.

Mrs. Farrago was laid off from her job, and we spent a frugal three weeks on a tight budget, eating through our freezers. But she’s since landed a nice freelance gig that challenges her and pays her a better hourly wage.

I didn’t kill anyone. I didn’t meet a supermodel and subsequently jeopardize my marriage with a torrid affair. And I didn’t spiral out of control and ruin my career in a haze of booze, drugs and hookers. But I didn’t discover a cure for cancer or AIDS or erectile dysfunction, either.

Nope. I just conspicuously consumed air, food, water and beer from the world, and I conspicuously added my own share of pollution to it.

In short, I occupied space for a year, and I have nothing to show for it...except for that disgusting, huge pile of garbage.

So, here’s to 2007. May I move an inch forward; may I climb an inch upward; may I accomplish something toward doing something that matters to someone.

And may you, dear reader, do the same.

Happy New Year!

Trina put this up on her blog and then didn't tag me for it. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. It sounded like fun, so here it goes. The rules:

1. Find the nearest book.
2. Name the book.
3. Name the author.
4. Turn to page 123.
5. Go to the fifth sentence on the page.
6. Copy the next three sentences and post to your blog.
7. Tag three more lucky souls.

And so I have done:

The book is Time and Again by Jack Finney, recommended to me by a friend.

"As I watched it, Kate touched my arm, and I turned. She was frowning, shaking her head. 'Si, I've had enough.'"

The only readers I'm aware of who haven't folded their blogs or whom Trina didn't already tag are Claire, Chloe and Toast.

So, folks, there you are. By no reason other than my poor readership, and the process of elimination, you're it. Now make me proud...and see if you can get me some more readers....

The Magic That Was

The thing I miss the most from my childhood is the way Christmas felt…or rather, the way I felt at Christmas time.

I imagine it was the same for most kids whose families celebrated Christmas. The world seemed to quiet down and, for one day, seemed to slow to a snail’s pace outside. Inside it was usually pretty hectic.

Christmas was always marginally spiritual for me. The holiday was really about getting two weeks off from school and getting tons of presents with one or two really good ones in the mix. Santa Claus was as real to me as my father, only I didn’t realize early on just how close I was in that reasoning!

The excitement leading up to The Big Day was always so palpable, so intense that I trembled at the thought of opening all of my presents that lay beneath the tree, the specific location of each I knew from the repeated excavation projects I had undertaken with my siblings when my parents weren’t looking.

We lived in a very small house. At one point there were seven kids and my parents, all squeezed into a three-bedroom house. As the youngest, I’m told I slept “wherever.” Maybe that’s why I have a wanderlust: I never had a room truly to myself. Even when all my siblings had all grown up and moved out, my oldest sister had gathered up her two kids, left her diseased marriage and moved back in with Mom and Dad and me. Through the Air Force and college dorm life, I never had a room of my own until I was 25, sharing a house off-campus with four other guys, and no place of my own until I took a one-bedroom apartment a year later. But that’s beside the point.

Our small house had a natural gas furnace, so a fireplace was something that existed only in storybooks and movies. And Christmas poems. Every poem, song and story that mentioned Santa Claus included the depiction of his entry into the home via the fireplace. Still clear in my head is the concern I had for Santa (and the presents that were due me!) because we didn’t have a fireplace through which for him to come in. Of course, I had older siblings who had every explanation from “he has a huge key ring with keys for every house without a fireplace,” to “he climbs in through a window,” to “he’s not coming for you.” Yes, that last one was my brother. And, with no snow on the ground – as it often happened in Chicago – how was Santa going to get his sleigh here? My parents put a stop to my questioning with a simple reassurance that Santa knew how to get into our house. He would be there!

As a large family with a diluted Italian heritage, Christmas Eve was always a grand event. I never understood it – still don’t to this day – but, as Catholics, we fasted on Christmas Eve the way Catholics fasted on Fridays: we ate fish. Mom knocked herself out at the grocery store a few days before, buying tons of fresh-water perch, shrimp, calamari and smelt. Christmas Eve always started early for her, as she would begin thawing the shrimp, squid and smelt, clean them, and start making the pasta dough for the Christmas Day dinner. In later years my sisters would help her, but Mom still did the bulk of the cooking.

By mid-afternoon the smelt were battered and frying and the squid was being cut into bite-size pieces. Guests were arriving – early on it was aunts, uncles and cousins; later it was my adult sisters with their husbands and children. The house was always a loud, exciting, electric place, and always, my eyes and thoughts were on the ever-growing pile of presents tucked under the Christmas tree. Mom would unload cookie-sheet-loads of battered, fried seafood into large serving bowls and everyone would load up their plates and chow down! Everyone, that is, except me. I hated fish of all kinds, fish sticks notwithstanding. I later discovered I liked the smelt because you can eat it, bones and all. That’s why I hated perch; you had to watch out for those pesky bones! And shrimp made me queasy.

All that excitement, and my paradoxically empty stomach, did little to prepare me for the coming night. Well into my teens I could never get a good night’s sleep on Christmas Eve for the exhilaration and anticipation for all those presents and what “Santa” might bring by the next morning. Even being dragged to Midnight Mass each year for most of my childhood didn’t make me tired enough – or bored enough – to make me sleepy. Once back at home, Mom and Dad were suspiciously not readying for bed, and insisting that we kids get to bed right away.

I would lie awake through most of the night. When I was little I would listen for the tiniest sound that would indicate Santa’s presence. As an older, wiser child, I listened for the telltale signs of Mom and Dad dragging out Santa's loot to put under the tree. If there ever was magic in that house, it was in my parents’ ability to sneak around and move all those toys and games into place without my ever hearing them, but even more so to have hidden so much stuff in such a tiny house without us kids ever finding it…and we LOOKED!

Finally, after an agonizing night of cat-napping and waking, tossing and turning, the sky through the windows turned from black to purple to deep blue. It was still dark outside, but it was officially morning! Sometimes I was the first to make it to the living room, sometimes it was my sibling closest in age to me, my brother, six years older. All the lights in the house were off, save for the blinking Christmas tree lights, which cast a purplish glow to the room. Mom and Dad always turned the tree lights off at bedtime, except on Christmas Eve. The tree was already the natural focal point of the room, but the light it gave off was touched by magic on Christmas morning, and it held more power and magnetism in that moment than it ever did in the evenings before.

By sunrise all of us kids were up. (By the Christmas of my earliest memory, my two oldest siblings had already moved out and started their adult lives, so there were five of us then.) There seemed to be an unwritten rule that we not touch any of “Santa’s” presents, unwrapped as they were, until Mom or Dad was awake. Sometimes it was blatant, with excited reports to my groggy, sleepy parents in their bed about what Santa had brought us; and sometimes it was more subtle, with excited talking and jumping around – or fighting, as siblings usually do – but we did what we could do to get them to wake up so we could dive into the toys. With another long day of cooking on her agenda, Mom was always up first.

As I grew older, that was one of my first clues about Santa Claus. For the 364 other days of the year Dad always espoused and exemplified the importance of getting up early and getting the day started. Even on Sundays, when his barbershop was closed, he was usually up by 8:00 because he always had something or other to do. But on Christmas morning he always seemed too tired to get up. As my powers of deduction began to develop, I became more and more suspicious of Santa Claus’s true identity.

But Dad would eventually be convinced to wake, and he would walk to the thermostat and, usually frugal where the utilities were concerned, he would turn it up to what had to be 75 to 78 degrees, and the house would be toasty warm while we tore into our presents. It’s one thing about Christmas that has never changed in my eyes: the gift-opening chaos. The more little kids there were, the louder and more chaotic the event. There was always a knee-deep pile of torn, discarded wrapping paper covering the whole living room floor. As my sibs and I grew older and more tidy, there came the nieces and nephews, which just made for even more noise and paper, and the cycle continues.

Mom would spend most of her time in the kitchen, working on the family feast. It alternated each year between traditional turkey and dressing with all the traditional trimmings, or homemade gnocchi with my Italian grandmother’s recipe tomato “gravy,” or Gramma’s recipe ravioli with gravy. Mom was not Italian; she learned Italian cooking from her mother-in-law, the way her mother-in-law did it. So that meant, no matter which dish was the main course, there was always enough food for an army to overeat, which made up for my Christmas Eve fasting. Everyone always ate too much and then fought over the couch for the best place to nap.

And I could never figure out why I slept so soundly on Christmas night!

If Christmas Day was the most exciting day of the year, then the very next day had to be the most boring. Call it adrenalin withdrawal, or the big letdown, but it was an agonizing, long day. All I had left to look forward to was the freebie night to stay up as late as I wanted to a week later to count down to the new year, and then the resumption of school…and a whole year before the next Christmas.

I have to hand it to Mom and Dad; for a poor couple raising a large family, they certainly knew how to pull out enough stops to make our Christmases seem bountiful.

Life goes on, and I eventually grew up and left home for the Air Force, returned home, left home for school, returned home and, finally, shortly after Mom passed away, I left home for good and began my career. In those years away from home I realized how truly commercial the Christmas season is, how it creeps further and further back into the year to where Christmas-themed ads are playing a week or two before Halloween. And where the holiday's spiritual meaning had a tenuous hold on me even as a child, since then my point of view and my beliefs have sharpened, and that spiritual meaning has been discarded. With Mom gone it could never be the same, anyway.

I am by no means a Scrooge, however. I still get caught up in the songs, in the gift-giving (though I don’t get crazy about it) and in the fellowship of family and friends. The traditional foods, now in the hands of my sisters, are still consumed or sought after, and their smells and tastes can still bring back the memories of Christmases past. And I can eat fish and shrimp without gagging.

But Mrs. Farrago and I haven’t put up a tree since our first Christmas together. The glow of the lights in the morning just seemed hollow, despite our efforts and our first holiday Together. The decorating – and especially the undecorating – seemed more chore than joy, and the pressures of whose family to visit when only seemed to take the pleasure out of the journey.

I still get a kick out of the glee in the faces of the nieces and nephews as they tear into a present, especially if they find that it’s one they really wanted. But there’s also a twinkle in their eyes that seems to say this is how it’s supposed to be; it seems as though, despite their families’ own spiritual bases, the kids are losing the message that it’s more about giving than it is about receiving. I got it when I was their age. Right? Didn’t I?

As adulthood trickled into my bones and brain, the special joy that was Christmas morning trickled out. It became quite clear to me that it is and, certainly for my entire life, has always been a child’s holiday, intended to be filled with warmth, magic, abundance and joy.

I hope kids today feel that same magic.

The City(ies) That Work(s)

In the aftermath of one of the worst winter storms to hit the Midwest this…ah...month, I am once again awed by the resilience of Midwestern cities. …or is it apathy?

I mean no ill to cities in other parts of the country. I’m certain their people are just as hardy and fortitudinous as any other cities’ denizens are. But, in the face of winter storms of biblical proportions (I dunno…were there blizzards in the bible?), people of the Midwest, and of the Northeast, too, simply say, “Eh,” and set their alarm clocks to wake them half an hour earlier than usual, and they go about their lives.

Life goes on here. What’s that? Twelve inches of snow expected? Better put my boots and the shovel by the door so I can dig the car out in the morning to get to work on time! Say again? Temperatures in the single digits tomorrow? Better wear the long socks, then!

The dismal forecasts of winter, no matter how apocalyptic, just don’t seem to faze people in northern cities. When it gets cold, we put on coats. If it gets REALLY cold, we put on MORE coats! When it snows we put on galoshes…or we don’t. To HELL with the snow! Business rarely, if ever, stops. Schools close in only the most treacherous conditions. Traffic slows to a crawl, but it does keep moving.

When I was in grade school and then high school, I would be glued to local morning radio during bad winter weather, just waiting to hear my school or school district’s name to be called, just waiting for the elusive “snow day” to be bestowed upon me and my fellow students, only to be thwarted repeatedly from the paradise of a day of idleness.

Any lifelong Chicago area resident above age 35 will likely remember the “Blizzard of ’79.” I was a freshman in high school, and the forecast was so dire, the snow falling so heavily that I was certain to finally hear my school’s name called out by the radio announcer. My mother assured me, as she trudged out the door on her way to work that morning(!), that I WOULD see the inside of a classroom that day, but I sat staring at that radio more intently than I’ve ever stared at a television set, like a gambler who just dropped his last dollar coin in the slot waits for the triple sevens. There were, on this particular day, so many schools closed that the radio station opted to read the names of only those schools which remained open. And, yes, finally, I did indeed hear my school’s name mentioned on the radio that day.

Since then I’ve resigned myself to the reality that winter does not stop Chicago, the City that Works, the City that Works Through Winter. Neither does it stop New York City, Boston, Buffalo or Minneapolis. The people just. keep. moving.

I lived four years in the Deep South. Consider my reaction, this winter-hardened northern boy, when, in the rare instance of the next day’s prediction of snow flurries – FLURRIES – the small south Georgia city where I lived cancelled EVERYTHING! Schools, government offices, city services, MAIL DELIVERIES, for the love of Pete, all shut down on the CHANCE of a few snowflakes falling to the ground!

Let’s give that city and other southern cities some credit. The buildings there are not equipped for the cold weather, nor are their city infrastructures. The schools, uninsulated against the rare cold, have to close for the safety of the children. The cities don’t budget for snow plows or rock salt as it would be a waste of taxpayers’ money to prepare for a once-every-few-years occurrence, so when there’s the potential for icy roads, the cities advise people to stay off of them because they won’t be cleared of ice or snow.

But for someone who grew up in the ready-for-what-nature-could-throw-at-us north, it was both a shock and an amusing state of affairs.

In one regard I feel sorry for the kids who grow up in the South, and other warm-climate cities. When severe winter weather snakes down into those parts, the people there are unprepared or, at best, under-prepared, and are likely to keep their kids indoors for their safety and protection. We northern kids developed thicker blood and a hearty appetite for snowball fights and sledding, and, when the temperature crept up from the arctic chill into the low- to mid- forties… Hell! That was short-sleeve shirt weather!

Today my southern contemporaries bask in the relative warmth of temperate winters, but when the Ol’ Man of the North treks his way south, they hunker down under layers of blankets and hibernate for the duration. I and my fellow northerners simply sigh, start the car and scrape the ice off our windshields while the engine warms up. And we go off to… work?

...there’s definitely something wrong with this picture.

The Day I Thought I Was Going To Die

I would imagine there aren’t too many people who’ve had near-death experiences. I mean the real kind, the out-of-body, move-toward-the-light, talking-to-dead-relatives kind of near-death experiences.

Sure, we’ve all had the embarrassing oh-shit-I’m-gonna-die, holy-crap-she’s-gonna-kill-me kind of “near-death” experiences, but there’s one kind that’s in between the real near-death experiences and the socio-professional ones. They’re the staring-death-in-the-face moments, the kind where some action of yours will result in, or has resulted in a situation that could bring you real harm, or even death… and it’s usually brought on by your own stupidity.

It was early 1984. I was at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas, sometime in the middle of the second of three phases of my entry training, the Security Police Technical Training course. Only a few weeks out of basic training, the Air Force wasn’t quite ready to let us enjoy our free time as we saw fit; there were still restrictions on base- and town-liberty privileges. It was a weekend – a Sunday, I think – and though we were allowed to wear civilian clothes, we weren’t yet quite trusted with venturing off base, even though every last one of us had lived our entire lives until a few months earlier off base.

I was in our dormitory day-room, a simple, non-descript room in place for us to relax and unwind after classes and in our down-time.

I don’t remember if I had walked in on the argument, or if I was already in the day-room and the argument had walked in on me, but one of my classmates had gotten into a heated discussion with Airman Johnson over Airman Johnson’s behavior.

I know it sounds like I’m making the name up, but his name really was Johnson. He was a street-tough kid who grew up on the streets on the bad side of Miami. He and I came through basic training in the same class, his bunk across the aisle and a couple down from mine. He had a perpetual sneer on his face, at times threatening, at times mocking, but at all times present, which, when facing the Training Instructors, brought him a lot of grief. To say Johnson had issues with authority figures would be a drastic understatement. He was not used to having to take shit from anyone, and there were times when the Training Instructors had nothing but shit to give. It was a deep-seated, automatic reaction in him when someone got in his face, that it broke into an expression of contempt. It raised in me the question, “If you have that much trouble dealing with authority figures, why join the military?”

But he made it through basic training, and he wound up in my secondary training class, learning how to be an Air Force cop.

I’ve always been a fairly amiable person, despite my general shyness. Despite his tough attitude, Johnson had a likeable quality to him. In conversations I had learned about his rough life, his fights, his victories, a few of his defeats, his experiences on his high school wrestling team. He had an air of the braggart, but an underlying tongue-in-cheek, self-ridiculing personality as well. He was a living, breathing example of the disadvantaged inner-city young black male of the mid-1980s. And where some are little more than a lot of wind and posturing, all it took was shaking Johnson’s hand to know he could back up everything he said about who he was and what he had come from. Though kind of short and of a small build, he was intensely strong; his sinewy, muscular frame hadn’t come from working out at the gym, but from competition and, no doubt, his daily survival. To put it concisely, his was a formidable, intimidating presence. Of course, for me, a gangly, featherweight, white stringbean of a kid from the suburbs, just about everything was intimidating.

So I found myself in the dayroom, an observer of a heated discussion. At question was Johnson’s behavior. I seem to recall the discussion arising from Johnson’s complaint about how the Training Instructors were always on his case. His co-interlocutor had likely stated that Johnson’s attitude was what brought him his troubles, a comment that Johnson likely viewed as an insult or attack, and the heat had turned up.

I was a worrywart in my teens and twenties. I would lie awake nights worried about oversleeping the next morning, worried about whether I’d be closer to the beginning of the chow line or closer to the end; stupid shit like that. I worried that Johnson was getting worked up over this discussion and might do something he would regret. So I opened my mouth and became part of the discussion. My first mistake was to side with the guy who wasn’t Airman Johnson; that just confirmed Johnson’s belief that everyone had it in for him.

Throughout the discussion Johnson had that somewhat mocking, somewhat self-riduling, somewhat half-smile on his face, with moments of fire erupting in his eyes. Before I realized what had happened, Johnson had completely shifted his focus to me. The other guy had stepped back, no doubt ready to throw water on us if need be.

I was seated on the edge of the pool table. Airman Johnson was standing directly in front of me. I don’t remember what it was that I had said, but it reflected my constant state of worry, and my warnings to others that they might get in trouble for doing whatever it was they were doing, and that I wasn’t going to do what they were doing because I didn’t want to get into trouble, ad nauseam.

Johnson, tired of my preaching to him from my pulpit of trepidation, spoke in his mocking tone of voice, and said something to the effect of, “You should worry about your own self, but instead you be cryin’ like a little bitch all the time about what I do…” and he went off on a rant about how much people around him complained about how he acted, and told him how he should behave, how he should wear his uniform, how his actions made the rest of us look bad, and how tired he was of everybody getting in his business.

At this point I saw the tables turn. Suddenly Airman Johnson was doing exactly what he had accused me of doing. I seized the opportunity to put this feeling into words, to put Johnson in his place. I wanted to turn his own phrase, “cryin’ like a little bitch,” back on him, because, admittedly, it had hurt me when he said it. The words formed in my head: “Now who’s cryin’ like a little bitch?” I just waited for him to take a breath. And when he did, for the life of me, I experienced a major brain fart:

“Now who’s cryin’, bitch?”

In a flash Johnson’s self-mocking expression disappeared, replaced by rage. In a greased second his nose was a millimeter from mine, his eyes burning into mine, words pouring from his lips. I don’t remember what he said to me in those moments. The only two things I remember in that moment were the death glare in his eyes and the stream of thought running through my head: “’Now who’s cryin’, bitch?!’ Where the hell did THAT come from?! Now I’m going to die!”

I gather that the only thing that saved me from being cracked like an egg was what I can only guess was an instinctive reaction, which was not to react at all. I sat rigid, stone-faced, and I stared right back into his eyes, giving the best rendition of a street-tough glare I could give him.

Johnson finally ran out of words and we glared at each other menacingly for a few more seconds. I can only guess at why he didn’t snap me in half like a twig. I’m certain it wasn’t that he had never sized me up and was unsure whether or not he could take me. More likely, he weighed the consequences of putting me in the intensive care ward and determined he’d rather not spend the rest of his Air Force career in a military prison.

Johnson stepped back and said something dismissive, like I wasn’t worth his trouble, and he walked away. Only then did I realize that, until his departure, he and I had been alone in the day-room for several minutes. His original opponent had cleared out when I made the ill-fated retort, no doubt to call 9-1-1, or to go make splints or something.

Alone in the day-room, my stoic expression finally broke. There were no mirrors nearby, but I’m certain the new expression read incredulity, and I’d bet I was whiter by several shades than I had been when I sat down on the edge of the pool table!

“Now who’s cryin’, bitch?!” WHAT THE HELL?!

I walked to my room on rubbery legs and lay down on my bed, and I worried about dealing with Airman Johnson the next day and for the rest of the training cycle. I don’t remember if it was immediate, or if it took a few days, but Johnson and I made amends. I don’t recall who approached whom first to apologize, but I do recall that when I apologized for calling him a bitch, he responded with his usual expression of half self-ridicule, half contempt, so I don’t know if he truly accepted my apology or trusted that it was sincere.

I suppose it’s obvious that I think about him from time to time, and I wonder what ever became of him, of his career in the Air Force. I suspect that his attitude and his mouth got him into trouble before too long – it seemed inevitable that he would have been kicked out before the end of his first tour of duty. But who knows? Maybe he’s Colonel Johnson by now….

No Wind In My Sales

I am not a salesman. But then, neither is Mrs. Farrago. Whatever it might be that requires dealing with strangers or the public or people on the other end of a telephone line, Mrs. Farrago isn’t it. Neither am I, but if I don’t do it, Mrs. Farrago makes we wait another week before I get another look at my testicles in the jar that she keeps hidden away somewhere.

Mrs. Farrago’s father -- let’s just call him Papa Swiss -- who lived with us for four years, decided almost all on his own to move out to an assisted living facility about a mile from our home. Now that he’s living in a place where his every need is tended to, he’s decided he no longer has a need for his car, which he has left parked in its handicapped reserved space in front of our house. We should have asked if the assisted living facility facilitates auto sales….

So, Mrs. Farrago and I are stuck with selling Papa Swiss’s car. And, in case you don’t remember reading the first paragraph of this post, that means that I'm stuck with selling Papa Swiss’s car.

It’s a nice enough car. It’s pretty basic, with manual locks and windows, automatic transmission, power steering and power brakes. The problem I saw from the outset is that, though it’s a Toyota 4-Runner, it only has a 4-cylinder engine, and it’s 2-wheel-drive. Until I saw this vehicle, I would never have guessed that a) Toyota would make a 2-wheel-drive version, or b) anyone would have bought a 2-wheel-drive version of a 4-Runner.

And that brings up the issue of making it look desirable. Without lying. The smartest thing we’ve done with it is park it at the local supermarket/strip mall/plaza with the “FOR SALE” sign pointed at the street. We moved it there today and received four phone calls within the first 90 minutes. But then I have to talk about it.

“Yes, it’s a ’97…No, it’s a 4-cylinder…I AM talking about the Toyota…Yes, automatic…No, no, just 2-wheel drive…Yes, I know it’s a 4-Runner…Well, they made at least ONE with 2-wheel-drive…Sir, I’ve never worked for Toyota, so I have no idea why they did it….”

But that’s not the hardest part of it. I hate haggling. I’m not good at it when I’m the buyer, and I’m not good at it as the seller, either. What’s worse, it’s not even me I’m haggling for!

It’s not in pristine shape. It has about 84,000 miles on it, and it has a small, creased dent in the passenger side front door. With these factors taken into account, we’ve researched the fair market value of the thing. So, let’s just say we’re asking $5000 for it. Okay, we really are asking $5000 for it. It’s fair-market range is $4500-$5500. I just don’t know how long to hold out for it when they make their “best” offers. I feel like I’m sucking the life out of them when I say, “Sorry, fifteen hundred just isn’t enough. I want more, MORE!”

I just hope some kid with accommodating parents comes along and really, really wants it for his first car, or an old guy much like Papa Swiss considers it a great deal, because I don’t think anybody else is going to find it worth their while. As a Toyota, people want something with more power and take-off speed than a 4-cylinder will give them. As an SUV, people want the confidence and stability in Chicago rain and snow that 4-wheel drive will give them. I just don’t believe in the product.

That’s three strikes against me.

Okay...Okay...All Right...

How much of our time is spent reminiscing? Were they really the good old days, or do we only remember the good parts of the old days, and the rest of them sucked just as bad as today’s days do, and a couple years down the road we’ll look back on something that happened this week as one of the good old days?

I don’t know what happened to trigger this memory, but it was funny then, and it brings a chuckle to me every time I think about it.

I was a Thespian in high school, a “drama jock,” if you will. I lived and breathed tech theatre for all four years. Our high school auditorium had quite a sophisticated stage, so much so that several professional productions were staged there each year. The benefit to being so involved with the mechanics of our stage was that, when these professional productions came in, they had to hire local hands to work the stage. The school didn’t trust just anybody, so we students were handed roughly 25 to 35 minimum-wage hours for the week to help set-up, rehearse, and tech the performances.

My best friend since 4th grade is Lu. His full first name is Lucio. My family always had the hardest time pronouncing his name. “LOO-she-o” was the most common mispronunciation. Also common was “LOO-che-o,” or “loo-CHEE-o,” which was understandable, coming from a family used to Italian pronunciations. But Lucio is Mexican. I struggled to correct people on the proper pronunciation, but Lucio and his mild speech impediment didn’t help…when he said it, it sounded more like “LOO-she-o” than anything else.

It took more than 10 years, a stint in the military, and living in a college dorm for someone to come up with a convenient solution and just start calling him “Lu.”

But I digress. Lu and I were hired by one of the professional shows in town. I was up in the rear of the auditorium, in the follow-spot booth, and Lu was operating the lighting board backstage. The stage manager with the production was talking to all of us on headsets and running through our cues as we neared the start of the show. It wasn’t that he was mispronouncing Lu’s name like so many other people did. He had misheard it all together.

“Lucien?”

“Yeah?” Nobody on the stage crew had the balls to tell the guy he was saying the wrong name, but we all knew who he was talking to.

“At the opening curtain, lights up full,” said the stage manager.

“Okay,” said Lucio.

“After the second song, we’ll fade to a blue wash.”

“Okay.”

“The fourth song starts with just the follow-spot, but then we’ll fade up on my cue with an orange cyc.”

“Okay.”

“The fifth song is a medley.”

“Okay.”

“The first part is lights up full…”

“Okay.”

“Then the tempo changes at the second part and we go to a red wash and cyc…”

“Okay.”

“Uh…Lucien?” said the stage manager.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to say, ‘Okay,’ after everything I say.”

There was a pause of a few seconds.

“All right.”

Everyone on headsets giggled through the rest of the evening, and Lu and I still laugh about it today.

ode to squirrel, dead

you hunted nuts on ground, in trees
all the summer long
ignoring dogs and cats and bees
even birds of song

the sun crept south, the days grew short
thickened you of fur
never did you tire of work
winter prepped you were

we found you here beneath the bough
your life all but gone
what lay you down we did not know
what deadly deed was done?

you breathed your final, gasping breath
looking at the sky
like humans as they face their death
were you asking, “why?”

who gets your nuts, your final stash?
is some squirrel heir?
do squirrel colleagues take your cache?
is that somehow fair?

we laid your furry corpse to rest
trash bin for your bed
no grave for you, we thought it best
no last words were said

o, squirrel, where’s your furry soul?
heaven, if you will?
or is it where your corpse did go,
out to the landfill?

By the Seat of Technological Advancements

I mention my travels a lot. I hope my readers (both of them) don’t think I’m boasting or showing off when I do. It’s just the part of my life that seems to generate things to write about.

Today I returned home from an 8-day sojourn from Chicago to Lawrence, Kansas (3 days), to Montreal (5 days) and back to Chicago. I spent most of the flight with the window shade closed. Normally I prefer the aisle, but today’s flight was less than full, and I had the rare opportunity of an empty seat beside me. I had taken advantage of the window seat and the wall to lean against and sleep -- without having a body squeezing me in and hindering my exit -- while we sat out a delay on the tarmac, and then, during the flight, I had fired up my laptop and watched an episode of “The Sopranos” from the borrowed boxed set of season five.

During the final approach to O’Hare airport, with the laptop and related paraphernalia stowed, I opened my window shade and was surprised to find that we were right in the thickest part of a huge rain cloud, so thick that at points I could see wispy vapor partially obscuring the engine suspended beneath the wing. Water streamed across the outer surface of my window in a seemingly endless bundle of rivulets, spreading wide in an explosion of droplets when it hit the rearward edge of the window.

The thought occurred to me, the frequent driver of a car, that as unnerving as it is to drive in a fog so thick I can’t see the rear end of a car 15 feet in front of me, how is it for the pilot of a plane careening through space at 150 knots when there’s not enough time to even BLINK, let alone avoid a collision with something at that speed.

And then I heard and felt the landing gear deploy, and the thought ran through my mind as I looked out at the blank gray-white cocoon, “Well, I guess there’s a runway down there, somewhere.” And my mind was off.

I don’t claim to know much about the history of commercial aviation, nor of anything else, but one can make an educated stab at the progression and be pretty close…at least I hope I can! To keep this short, and to keep it from sounding like a history lesson, let’s just skip everything up to just past the point of the inventions of radar and radio navigation, and the world of advancement it meant to the field of aviation.

What would air travel be like today without the conveniences of radar and radio? What was it like back in the 1930s and ‘40s? Granted, we had radio communication back then, but what of radio navigation? Air traffic grids didn’t exist, then, and flight crews needed a navigator to study landmarks and geographical features, as well as relate them to a map, in order to get them to the right place. Everything was by sight and by the seat of the pants!

And then, probably back in the late ‘40s or early ‘50s, certainly when some genius thought to hook eight jet engines to an otherwise fairly anemic-looking plane with a wingspan greater than its length in order to reach the skies over the Soviet Union, some other genius realized there would have to be some sort of system to get a plane from point “A” to point “B” other than someone in the cockpit pointing out the window and saying, “I think it’s that way.”

I don’t know what they are or were called, but I know that there’s a massive grid of radio transmitters laid out across our nation and the globe, and that the world’s commercial and private pilots use this system to keep themselves on track to their destinations. So, no matter how bad the weather, how thick the clouds, the pilot has all the tools available to let him know he’s headed the right way. I guess the radar helps keep planes from crashing into each other.

So as I watched the water dribbling past my window, and the landing gear deployed, I knew that there was indeed a runway down there, somewhere, and that the slightly overweight, tall, balding guy locked away in that little room in the front of the plane knew right where it was, even though he couldn’t quite see it at the moment. I wondered what this flight would have been like without the technologies that had advanced and been perfected a lifetime ago, and it dawned on me that the flight probably would never have happened. It was a very docile weather system. There seemed to be no wind, no lightning, no torrents of rain. We punched through the bottom of the overcast at what I would guess was between 500 and 1,000 feet above the ground. Way back when, such a day would have grounded all flights out of O’Hare, and any pilot caught in the air in such a soup certainly would’ve needed a week at a nervous hospital, or at least a stiff drink, just to calm him down afterward.

But there I sat, my bored face stuck in the window, staring out at the boring clouds, so confident that the pilot knew the runway was there, as complacent with that belief as when I take my sock off that there’ll be five toes wiggling at me from the end of my foot.

And now I’m home, safe, and concerned only with important things. Things like the hopes that the Tigers will pull it out and clip the Cardinals’ wings. Things like being the closest to prayer I’ve been in over 25 years for the Bears to have a Super Bowl team this year. Things like hoping both of you have stuck it out and read my post this far, and not being pissed off at me because there’s no payoff.

A Soft, Warm Fuzzy

Her plump, dark brown face was at my window seemingly out of nowhere in the darkness, and startled me. I had an awareness that she was the same one I had seen near the dumpsters moments earlier, along with two other people, when I came out of the PetSmart store with the thirty-pound bag of dog food slung over my shoulder.

The other two people were children, a boy and a girl, neither older than ten years.

She spoke, but I could not hear. City-dweller alarm bells were going off in my ears. She was in violation of my vehicle's personal space. Talking. But I could not hear. I knew what she wanted, but what I wanted was to get home. I rolled my window down a crack, my psyche unable to be so callous as to ignore her.

"What?" I said, disrespectfully.

Her voice came out in a monotone, a line seemingly rehearsed and delivered by a bad actor. "Please sir could you spare some change sir for I could buy my kids some food we have nothing to eat at home and we hungry a dime a quarter a dollar..."

"Clever ploy," I thought as my eyes darted first to the boy, and then to the girl, both fidgeting like bored kids fidget, neither looking famished, neither looking embarrassed that their mother was begging in a parking lot. "Using the kids kicks it up a notch."

On the even chance that the woman, herself overweight, was telling the truth about their plight, I caved. They were worth lightening my wallet by the weight of a dollar. I opened my wallet and frowned at the lone bill tucked away there.

I felt the power shift to the woman. I had opened my wallet, I was committed to giving her something, and I was struck by how absurd it would be for me to ask if she could break a twenty. Feeling slightly desperate, my eyes scanned the parking lot. About a hundred yards away I saw the bright red letters above the door of the discount grocery, Cub Foods.

"Look," I said to the woman while avoiding eye contact, "all I have is a twenty." I looked back at Cub Foods, heard its suggestion, and I forwarded it.

"Can I buy you some food? What do you need?"

It is an old, 1930s B-movie cliché, but it is also the truth. In response to my question the woman's eyes widened brightly, white contrasting powerfully against the black of the night, the brown of her skin. "OH! Thank you sir! Thank you! Some ground beef and some cheese and a loaf of bread will feed us tonight sir that would be wonderful sir I thank you so much..."

"Okay," I said, pointing toward the grocery store. "Meet me by the entrance of the Cub Foods."

The woman gathered up her children, and I pulled out of the slot and steered my car toward the grocery store.

At the door I confirmed her grocery list, and then I headed toward the door.

"And please, sir, if it's not too much trouble, could you get me some laundry detergent for my kids could have clean clothes for school tomorrow?"

She had passed my test. She had asked for money so she could feed her kids, and I had countered with an offer to buy them food. Her enthusiastic response had sold me, so I did not, I could not refuse her additional request, though I did feel she was taking advantage of my charity, just a little.

In the store I picked up a pound and a half of ground beef, a pound of sliced American cheese and a loaf of white sandwich bread. I also grabbed two large cans of soup, and I debated getting a candy bar for each of the kids, and then decided against it for fear that the kids might just want to eat the candy and forego the opportunity for some real nutrition.

As I roamed the aisles of Cub Foods, I felt a surge of something in my chest, and then in my throat. And suddenly I was on the verge of tears. The woman's response had been counter to my expectations. She preferred a gift of food to a handful of change. She had given the right answer to the one-question test I had given her, and now I was in the rush of knowing I was doing the right thing the right way for someone less fortunate.

I stepped out into the cool evening air half expecting her and the kids to be gone, either disbelieving me, or shooed away by store security. But they were there. I raised the plastic grocery bags for her to see.

"All that's for me? Oh! Thank you sir! God bless you! God bless you, sir!" She clutched at the bag as she praised me, yet I was still unable to look her in the eye. "Come on, kids! Let's go home," she said as she turned away from me, and then she spun once more. "Thank you sir! God bless!" Again with her back to me, she disappeared into the night.

I walked to my car a bit lighter in my step, and with pride in my chest. In my reluctance to hand her a twenty-dollar bill for fear that I'd never see my nineteen dollars in change, I had instead spent fifteen dollars and change, and fed a family...perhaps twice.

When you feel the impulse to give to someone begging for spare change because he's hungry, and you have the time, opportunity and money, offer to give him food instead. If he accepts your offer, then you know you've done the right thing by helping to feed the truly hungry. If he refuses your offer and insists on cash, then you're still doing the right thing by keeping one person away from the alcohol or drugs that a few more coins might help them obtain.

It does them good. It does you good.

Mourning

Recently an assignment required that I get some shots of automobile dealerships in the Chicago area. I had to get a smattering of everything from an auto mall to a multi-line dealer to as wide a variety of manufacturer logos as possible to the cheesiest-looking, shadiest-looking used car dealership I could find.

The only place where I know my way around to such a plethora of sights is the area where I grew up, in the south suburbs. It was raining when I left the house, so there wasn't much promise for the day. The rain fell hard when I entered the tollway, and was still falling when I stopped at the Hinsdale Oasis for a tinkle and a Sausage McMuffin with Egg value meal. The rain hadn't let up when I went back out to my car, nor in the entire drive down to Matteson.

I couldn't shoot, so I decided to use the time to scout locations on the off chance that the rain would let up, and then I wouldn't waste more time looking for locations when I could be shooting them instead. I found the auto mall right where i had left it last, and it was chock full of cars. I drove around it, stopping at points and looking out my windows at various compositions in my head, trying to imagine how it would look under a blue sky and sunshine.

I needed to call a co-worker, the producer who had sent me on this little jaunt, so in the interest of safety, I pulled in to the parking lot of Lincoln Mall in Matteson. The first thing I noticed was that the Lincoln Mall cinema had been torn down some time ago, as the spot where the building had stood was now a patch of asphalt integrated into the former cinema parking lot. I had seen innumerable films there in my adolescence, the most memorable of them "Killer Clowns From Outer Space." And now it's gone.

I drove on toward the building that encompassed the mall itself, and toward what I always considered the main entrance, that door between the old anchor retailers, Wieboldt's department store and Montgomery Ward, that door closest to the video game arcade that once had racing bumper cars at the rear of the space. Wieboldt's had closed many, many years ago, and the space it had occupied stood empty forever. And now? Montgomery Ward was gone, too. Not just the recently defunct chain, but THE BUILDING! GONE! Half of Lincoln Mall has been torn down. HALF!! All that is left now is Sears, of all things -- now in the former Wieboldt's space, and the Carson, Pirie, Scott store, still there since the mall opened in the early 1970s.

I felt a hole forming in my chest. This was one of my haunts; "stomping grounds," as my father would say. Sure, it had come on hard times recently, with anchor stores going away or going under, but still! I felt as if a good friend had died, and I was the last to hear about it.

After the shock wore off, I called my co-worker and told him of my plan...if it ever stopped raining. And I continued to scout.

The example I had in my head for the "shady" used car dealer is actually in the town where I grew up. Back in the late years of the 19th century, the economic center of Bloom Township was incorporated as the city of Chicago Heights, honoring that burgeoning metropolis a mere 25 miles away to the north by taking that city's name as part of her own. Only 14 years later, residents in the southern reaches of Chicago Heights -- by then known affectionately (or not) as "da Heights" -- unsatisfied with their city, organized successfully and seceded, forming their own village and, reaching deep into the heaviest brains available to name their new town, came up with South Chicago Heights, a name that, perhaps, doomed the village to forever remain a footnote to its namesake. In the collective mind of most residents in the area, South Chicago Heights has always easily folded into Chicago Heights, so for what it's worth, I grew up in "da Heights."

I had as typical a childhood, as typical an adolescence and as typical a coming of age as just about any kid. I never had any burning itch to leave "South Heights," as it is known -- or "Soddeights," as it is pronounced in the local tongue -- but to get anywhere in the career I had chosen, I knew I would have to leave. I went back there after my time in the service, lived there, technically, while I attended Southern Illinois University, and moved back in after graduation and for two more years afterward until someone within my chosen field decided to hire me, at which time I moved away, back to Southern Illinois.

That was almost 14 years ago. In that time I moved again, to south Georgia, and I returned "home," living now in Chicago. I changed jobs four times. I married. And my father sold the house in South Heights. Rare has been the occasion for me to return, as I no longer have any immediate family living there, and when the occasion does arise, it's usually a drive through on the way to somewhere else. On this day, I had time to kill.

I headed east on the street with three names. U.S. Route 30 is known -- in Illinois, at least -- as The Lincoln Highway. It's certainly so in Chicago Heights. It is also 14th Street. I cut across a corner of Park Forest to get to 26th Street, the border between Chicago Heights and South Chicago Heights, and turned south to swing past my old grade school, and then south on Chicago Road. So many buildings and houses that exist in my childhood memory are now gone or so sadly in disrepair they might as well be torn down. Fortunately for my heart, the old Farrago former homestead still stands, humble but proud. I headed north again and did a loop around the high school, a majestic building erected during the Great Depression, with the main entrance guarded by impressive concrete statues designed by the man who designed the Jefferson nickel, and entering its 25th year on the National Register of Historic Places.

South and east again, still through the rain, to Marnell's Drive-in, home of one of Chicagoland's greatest Italian roast beef sandwiches...or so I thought. Either the recipe has changed, or my memory has. I was sadly disappointed.

From Marnell's I headed to where my father's old barber shop was, now operated only one day a week by the woman he sold it to, and, I'm certain, no longer providing the service to the neighborhood that my father did. I sat in the main attraction the building has to offer, an old-school tavern to which the barber shop is merely an adjoining room, and chatted with the owner of the building and tavern, my father's former landlord. I ordered a beer and was not allowed to pay for it, thanks to a friend of my father's, one of many of his friends...most of his friends...who keep the place alive. This friend used to own a business on Chicago Road, a business I walked past every day on my way to junior high. He lamented all the businesses, all the great buildings that have disappeared to municipal apathy and abandonment.

And that's when it sank in. I had long harbored the thought, long denied it, and hoped it would go away. But the old man's words brought it home: Chicago Heights is dying. The relentless rain outside seemed to amplify the moment. My eyes had seen it on my drive around town. My eyes had been seeing it since my return from the military, but my heart refused to believe it. A population's children grow up and move away, and a community stagnates. Only the poor stay, as they don't have much choice. Fewer taxes are collected, school referenda are defeated by the tax-paying empty-nesters, teachers leave or are let go, and the children remaining swirl around the drain. Factories close. Businesses close. Veteran workers retire, and there are no younger workers to replace them. A town that was once an industrial dynamo, an exclamation point on the boom that made Chicago, is now gasping in the dust of its own storied past.

Along Lincoln Highway in the west end stand the shells and empty lots where once stood a row of three or four auto dealers and a locally owned department store, all now either shut down or moved away. The building that was forever in my memory a K-Mart closed, then reopened as a Cub Foods, then closed and reopened as a thrift store, then closed and is now gone, a flat, empty, open lot. Beside it stands an empty shell, once a Handy Andy hardware center, then a Builder's Square, then the nothing it's been for years. It's the same in places all over town. Buildings boarded up or missing all together, the once dazzling smile of a young beauty, now faded and marred by rotted or missing teeth.

The rain finally stopped, my beer glass was dry. It was just past noon, and I had work to do. I said good-bye to my dad's friends and hopped in the car to the first location, a place that, in my mind, passed as a "shady" used car lot. I headed west, back toward the auto mall, as the sun began to peek through the clouds, and I was steeped in the feeling that I had just left a funeral. I had met friends. I had reminisced. I was sad, and I sensed the duty to move on.

Maybe it is closure. My mother passed away just as my career called me. In my absence, my father progressed from "senior" to "elderly," sold the home I grew up in, sold the home he had gutted and rebuilt by himself, and has now moved in with my sister.

I'll be drawn back to "da Heights," the hollow shell of the memories of my youth, but I'm certain it'll be more as one is drawn to the grave of a deceased loved one.

To pay respects.

To remember.

To mourn.