I had a couple of glasses of wine this evening while watching a couple installments of America's Funniest Home Videos that I had on TiVo™, and I made a few observations:
• While I like America's Funniest Home Videos just fine, that show is freakin DAMN funny when I'm drinking wine.
• When I'm drinking wine and watching America's Funniest Home Videos, I will laugh so hard that I'll almost wet myself. In another 25 years or so, I'll probably be able to achieve wetness…maybe even without laughing.
• In the run-up to Thanksgiving, did anyone else grow tired of the media's and advertisers' use of the term "Black Friday?" It was driving me bananas! I first heard the term used about 10 years ago to describe how most retailers operate in the red all year until the busiest shopping day of the year, the day after Thanksgiving, when they finally see a profit. They go from the red to the black, hence the name the media coined: Black Friday. Isn't it wrong for a retailer to basically say to the customer, "In the next month, you're going to spend so much on Christmas gifts for your family and friends that we're finally gonna start making money off your ass?" Is it wronger that we do it anyway? Even moreso that advertisers have hijacked the word and made it into a marketing catch-phrase?
• Jessica Simpson: Would someone tell me how it's possible that I can simultaneously despise the very core of the woman, and yet lust so hotfully after her?
• If any of my readers has a "6 Degrees To Jessica Simpson" thing going on, could you please stroke your network and see to it that she somehow stumbles across my blog? …And this post…?
• I leave Thursday for New Orleans. Hasn't that city been there for like a couple dozen hundred years? Hasn't the "new" worn off by now?
• It's strange how you can doze off and sleep for what feels like hours, and it turns out only to be minutes, and how you can be out for two hours and your wine-induced dream of Jessica Simpson wearing a black leather jumpsuit unzipped down to there and straddling a huge, steamy, couch-sized Ball Park® frank, with the wind blowing through her hair while she's whispering your name through glistening, ruby red lips, lasts mere seconds.
• Anybody know how to get purple-tinted drool out of a computer keyboard?
• It's probably best not to write down your wine-induced observations while still on your wine-induced buzz.
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7 comments:
Damn, you ARE funny! I don't give a whit about Jessica S., although I admit to seeing how you could. The problem is, what would you talk about afterward?
Don't tell me, I know, you wouldn't care to talk.
Wine induced babbling - I thought that was my forte, though you are very good at it. Um.... Jessica Simpson, not one of THE Simpsons? Those yellow dudes with the fat dad? I used to fancy the Cadburys Caramel rabbit because she had nice legs - I'm sure theres a name for people who develop crushes on cartoon characters ... Google, Google.
PS. yeah I KNOW who she is really!
Whatever are you two talking about? Did I post something recently??
;)
YEah, let me call my cousins uncles sistes boss and I'll get that number right over to ya!
DFO -- As to the wine-induced babbling... I know it's your forte, but since you're quitting or otherwise cutting seriously back on your intake, I figured someone had to fill your shoes!
And if someone's going to fill your shoes, you'd better hope they're not going to fill them with anything but their feet....
I thought I was the only one who laughs hysterically through AFV! Hmmm, maybe it *is* the wine!
Have another glass! I want to see what's next!
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